is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
