just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm bleeding and have questions
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