idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
