Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
