worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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