if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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