your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
