I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
