Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
