he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
