So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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