his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
