We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We need a shit load of segways right now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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