Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
