Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
