She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
