i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
