i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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