I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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