This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
