Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
