wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
