You work out of a Hotel?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
