you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
