At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
