Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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