the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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