I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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