What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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