So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
