help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
