Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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