i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
