Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
