Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
