He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
