We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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