She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
