no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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