YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
