At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
