dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
