We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
