Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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