CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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