It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
