i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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