we have officially lost it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm both gender and math confused
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
