Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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