so that wasnt chicken after all
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
