I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
