everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
