Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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