I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
