the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
