What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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