I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
